How to relieve stress 101: Slap a boy.
Yup, you heard right. I slapped him hard. He asked for it.
No…seriously. He did ask for it.
So, me and biceps boy (aka the beard name for my brother) had a party to go to, but the madre and padre were taking TOTES FOREVS (swagalicious talk, whatevs). We basically stood around in the living room, swatting flies and picking at our teeth. As you can tell, we are quite patient.
I was being hormonal and a tad unstable (SHUT YOUR MOUTH. NOT A WORD.) and I randomly shout to the heavens above, “EUGH. I WANT TO SLAP SOMEONE SO BADLY.”
To which biceps boy just looks at me and says, “What a coincidence, I feel like being slapped.”
Biceps boy is a 16 year old smart-ass. So, I give him my usual death glare as I hope one day I can do that thing from X-men when the lasers come out of that guys eyeballs.
Anyway, I maturely reply, “Are you stupid? Please tell me you’re stupid.”
“I’m not kidding! I feel like being slapped! My face feels weirddddd.” He whines.
Omg. He’s such a girl.
So, I fake roll up my sleeves (while maintaining eye contact) and wind my hand back.
IT WAS THAT LOUD.
“AHHHHG:LAESKJG:LEIJFGLISEJFSF” He screams incoherently, as he grabs his cheek and doubles over in pain. “AHHHLGKHEIFLJIELJFEF”
I give him his alone time, and look at him blankly with no regret. What? He really did ask for it.
After his little girl fit, he slowly rises, cradling his cheek.
“Is it red?”
“How red compared to my other cheek?”
“You know the color of that Lamborghini you want?”
“Yeah.” (COMPLETELY NOT UNDERSTANDING WHERE I’M GOING WITH THAT PIECE OF INFORMATION)
“Redder than that.”
“AW DAMN.” He screams. “UGH.”
He looks around, realizes the madre and padre are going to be down soon.
“Listen, you’ve gotta slap my other cheek.”
“WHAT?!” I scream, half in happiness, and half in ohmygodyouaresostupid-ness.
“JUST DO IT! MY FACE HAS TO LOOK EVEN BEFORE THE PARTY!” He shouts as he braces his face.
What do I do? Obviously, this was a chance of a lifetime.
My hand print will forever be etched on the side of his face.
….and that, my fellow bloggers, is how stupid my brother is.